Opening shot of a door with a sign on it that says: “Risk: Godstorm design meeting. In progress.”

CAPTION: 2004

Shot of several game designers gathered around a conference table.

MR: HILL: Thank you, Mr. Pluto, for that wonderful presentation about the Underworld game board from our upcoming Risk: Godstorm product, and why it should be too small for anyone to actually use.

ROUSING APPLAUSE

MR: HILL: Next up, we have Russet Taupe who will be giving a presentation on the colors he has selected for the player units.

WELCOMING APPLAUSE. CUT TO RUSSET TAUPE, WHO IS WEARING VARIOUS SHADES OF BROWN.

RUSSET TAUPE: Thank you, Mr. Hill. Here are the selections I have made for the five player colors in our upcoming Risk: Godstorm product.

First we have the Babylonian army in blue. (Background: Oohs.)
Then the Celtic army in green. (Background: Aahs.)
Followed by the Greek army in maroon. (Background: Very nice.)
The Norse army in brown. (Background. I see.)
And the Egyptian army in slightly less brown. (Background: Silence.)

CUT TO MR. HILL, LOOKING LIKE HE’S THINKING SUSPICIOUSLY.

CUT BACK TO RUSSET TAUPE, WHO IS SMILING CREEPILY.

MR: HILL: Did you, um, did you focus group this?

RUSSET TAUPE: Let’s say… yes?

MR: HILL: And the play testers were okay with this color scheme?

RUSSET TAUPE: I’m going to answer this by acting like I’m saying what you want to hear.

MR: HILL: And nobody involved in the decision making process has complained?

RUSSET TAUPE: There’s been no complaints received that I’ve read.

MR: HILL: I just mean, and I in no way want to undermine your creative decision here, I can understand wanting to use a certain “palette” for the game’s assets, but one may argue that there is a wide variety of possible colors and hues that are being left untapped.

For example, if one were to step back, for just a moment, it’s possible that within microseconds an alternative, more distinguishable color, with a hue that still coincides with the game’s overall palette, could be found. And they’d be much easier to tell apart on the board, especially when dozens of units are populating the board or under normal every-day lighting conditions.

One could, theoretically, be left wondering how anyone, anywhere in the history of mankind, could have thought this was a good decision? They may respond to this proposal by posing the question of what color would have been better than slightly less brown? The answer being, of course, any color. They may even follow up with specific rudimentary examples, including (but not limited to) white, black, lavender, gray… clear even. “Yes,” they may say, “yes, even transparent figures would have been better in this case than slightly less brown.”

And then they would, I can only assume, conclude with a plea for game developers to not let form override function when it comes to these types of game design decisions. Just because someone’s really into Mediterranean earth tones doesn’t mean that we should sentence the poor people who are going to purchase this product to a lifetime of confusion. Orange. That’s another color you could have used: orange. Sorry, that just slipped out.

RUSSET TAUPE: (NODS, TAKES A LONG PAUSE TO REFLECT ON THIS.) What if, instead of "slightly less brown", we call it “ochre”?

MR: HILL: (STUNNED PAUSE, THEN EXCITED AT THIS FRESH IDEA) Wow... I love it! Congratulations on another top-notch executive decision. Please accept this promotion, keys to the company helicopter and my corner office, you’ve... you’ve earned it.

CUT TO RUSSET TAUPE, IN AN EXECUTIVE OFFICE LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW IN SATISFACTION.

CUT TO BLACK.